Holy cow, I think I’m pregnant

Now, I know that the title wasn’t some kind of announcement.  To all of you.  But then there is me, and sometimes I wonder if I’m all there.

I would go to these doctors appointments and they would do ultrasounds, and when I got home, I would tell Nathan how I suspected there was an excellent possibility that there was a DVD player under the ultrasound machine, and as soon as the tech put the wand on my belly, she pressed “play” and I was actually seeing someone else’s baby, because there can’t really be a baby in my belly.

I think I’ve just had the flu really bad since October, you know?

And then I go to sleep really early, or try to, anyway, and I sleep lousy all night, and I think “it’s not because I’m pregnant, it’s because the boys are giving me a serious run for my money these days.  I really need to eat better and exercise more so I can keep up with them better.”

And then, for the last month, I’ll be sitting still-ish, and feel something down there.  Until about a week ago, I would feel a bump, a kick, a gyration, and I would often be startled to the point of jumping, because hello?  aren’t farts supposed to happen outside your body?  Oh, wait,  I’m pregnant.  There is a baby in there.  Moving.  Oh.  Okay…

And about a week ago I was so concerned with my apparent denial of this pregnancy, that I wondered aloud to Nathan if the post-partum problems I had after pregnancy #1 were starting early.   But then I realized that, apart from the sick that has lasted much, much longer than it did with pregnancy #1, I’m really ok.  I’m not even emotional and hormonal and crazy like I was during the last pregnancy.  Dare I say it?  I’m right darn pleasant – given the appropriate amount of sleep, that is.  And that is huge, isn’t it?

Then, lightning bolt.  I’m not in denial.  It’s not that I’m ignoring this baby, or that I don’t want this baby.  I already love this baby and can’t wait to meet her.  Her!  It’s that I have a lot better things to do this time than flip through every pregnancy book and magazine ever printed, cruise through internet bulletin boards of crazy pregnant women, and sit still at any given chance, trying to feel the baby move.  I have gone out of my way, in fact, to steer clear of pregnancy books, magazines and web sites.  Sit still?  Oh, now, that’s funny.  The only time I sit still is when I’m trying to keep upchuck as down-chuck.  I have two rowdy toddlers to chase after, and let me tell you right now – they are a hell of a lot more work than 20 crazy first graders, which is who I was chasing after/teaching during the last pregnancy.

This week, we found out this baby is a girl.  And I settled on a pink and green nursery set I adore.  And we even settled (85%, 99% it depends on the hour minute) on a name.  Ainsley Jane.  And when I went to bed last night, I paid attention when the baby kicked.  And when she did, I didn’t get startled.  It was peaceful and wonderful and right.

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