If you thought the fingerprinting hoo-ha was fun, hold onto your seats for yesterdays adventure!

SO. It was a busy morning. When the cashier at Target asked me at 10:15 if I’d had a busy morning, my reply was yes! I’d already been to the vet for dog shots, and Costco’s grand opening. Right after my stop at Target would be a run into the post office and then HOME. For lunch. And naps. Joyous naps.

But nooooooo…it couldn’t just be a normal-Julie-style-hectic kind of day. No. (p.s. Why do I insist on my normal-Julie-style-hectic being normal? AGGH! More on that later. As in several days later. If I can squeeze it in.)

We went into the post office to mail a package off to my sister. We went back to the car, and I took Josh out of the ergo and put him in the car seat. I lifted Jacob into the car and told him to get into his car seat. I made sure all the doors were unlocked, that the drivers side back sliding door was open, and then I threw my keys on the drivers seat (BAD MOVE), shut the passenger side back door, and started to walk around the car. This is where things went bad.

I heard the quiet whirring of the automatic sliding door (drivers side), followed by a click. Jacob had pushed the button on the inside of the car to shut the door, and then used my key to LOCK THE DOORS. That were ALL SHUT.

Weeeee! Can you feel my blood pressure rising?

At first, I was pretty calm. I made a mistake. A big one. But Jacob’s pretty smart. We could gt out of this together. I pointed to the button and told Jacob to grab it and pull up. About 10 times. At this point, the calm disappeared.

Also at this point, he gleefully jumped into the drivers seat – MY seat – swung the keys around and laughed. At me. While Josh screamed in the back seat.

So I began to bang on the windows and scream.

“JACOB. OPEN THIS DOOR NOW. HOLD THIS BUTTON AND PULL UP NOW. NOW. NOW. Do you want a TIME OUT? JACOB. NOW. NOW. BUTTON. NOW.”

That was greeted by hilarious laughter.

“YOU WILL HAVE A TIME OUT. OPEN THE CAR NOW. PUSH THAT BUTTON ON MOMMY’S KEY. NOW.”

More laughter.

And then it hit me – he was having a good time and I was yelling and banging on the window like a mad woman. This was not going to work. New angle.

“Do you want chocolate?”

“Yes!”

“Lots of chocolate?”

“Yes! I want chocolate, Mommy! Chocolate!”

“Then please (in my sweetest voice), PLEASE, put your fingers on this button and pull it up! Mommy really needs your help, Jake. This button. THIS BUTTON!”

He totally was ignoring me at this point. Jacob wasn’t a little bit interested in the button on the car. He was pushing every button on the key EXCEPT the unlock. And since you have to push the car door buttons twice in a certain amount of time to get them to open, he wasn’t opening them.

Oh yes, he also pushed the alarm. That was fun.

At this point, nice mom left the building. Josh was screaming, and while it wasn’t hot, it was warm. Jacob was having fun, and I was beginning to panic. And then Jacob dropped the keys. He bent down to pick them up, banged his head on the steering wheel and dissolved into a puddle of tears. He was now totally useless.

I ran to a lady in the parking lot and told her what happened, and to please run in the building and have someone call for help. I ran back to the car and was deciding what window to smash. Which window would spray the least amount of glass on my already-screaming children?

While I was trying to decide what to use to break the window (not my hand, too bloody; not my shoe, I was wearing flip flops), a postal employee came out and told me they’d called the police.

Before she left, a policeman showed up. Someone driving by (the post office is on Main Street) had seen someone “banging on and yelling at their car” and called 911. Sweet. He had me sign a paper saying that he was allowed to break into my car, and then it took about 30 seconds before we were in. Hallelujah.

I need a vacation. Please. Now. Thank you.

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